Da Dos

Category: NFL, Bears, Twitter, YouTube, GIF

  • Twitter Tues. New Bears, Old Results

    Twitter Tues. New Bears, Old Results

    I’m not sure where to even begin.
    This was a true team loss.

    1. Ben Johnson
    BJ decided to go for it instead of settling for a relatively easy FG. He could’ve tried to draw them offsides for a cheap 1st down, but instead BJ let the playclock expire, called a TO, allowed their D to regroup, then left 3 points that would return to haunt them.
    That wasn’t BJ’s only blunder. Apparently the ball is part of the player in the process of the catch. yet he challenged the play. It was never in question that Sewell touched the ball, so in effect it was a totally wasted challenge/T.O. that again, Bears could’ve used later.
    BJ also screwed up with the final kickoff. Apparently, he said he did tell Santos to kick it out of the back of the endzone, but it wasn’t even close. He either failed to realize Santos was too limp-dicked to do so, or he never even considered maybe Tori could do it. At the very least kick it out of bounds. Sure, they’ll move the ball to like the 40, but who cares by then?
    Finally, BJ seemed to make no adjustments while O’Connell DID make adjustments.
    Wunderkind my ass.

    2. Caleb.
    Even more concerning was Caleb. Sure, he started off ‘hot’ 10/10, but a lot of those were on scrambles to checkdowns. Not exactly Joe Montana highlights.

    Caleb looked gun-shy or oblivious. I would like to see his QBR when he stayed in the pocket and threw to WRs. Couldn’t have been better than Fields this weekend.

    He still held on to the ball for too long; the only difference is that this year the Oline isn’t complete dogshit, so it bought him more time to escape instead of getting crushed.

    But Flores caught on, and in the second half started blitzing more once he saw that Caleb morphed into Chase Daniels.

    Then when Caleb did throw beyond 10 yard, he seemed erratic. None more so than missing a WIDE open DJ for a big play.

    This is frustrating because Caleb in the same game makes these types of throws.

    Still, as Kurt Warner often says, if a QB can’t make the layups consistently, then he’s not a good QB. Can’t win a SB with a QB like that, and I don’t know if Caleb has ever put an entire game together where he was consistently good from start to finish. He simply cannot throw in rhythm from the pocket for 4 QTRs.

    It’s like he’s good Rex/bad Rex, but not from game to game, rather half to half.

    3. Specials.
    Santos was terrible. Those 3 points he flopped also could’ve helped tremendously. Then he was too weak to drive it through the back of the endzone in that last KO.

    Tori got blocked. The gunners sucked.

    Specials were a liability all-around.

    4. Defense.
    They actually started off strong, Dayo specifically while the JV secondary punched above their weight climaxing with Wright’s pick-6

    However, Byard kept taking bad angles, Sewell as we all know couldn’t cover, and they ran out of gas and failed to stop the run in the second half despite knowing it was coming.

    Add some bullshit reffing, and voila, another abysmal Flusian chokejob.

    Tweets.

  • What Are You Thinking, Jerrah!

    What Are You Thinking, Jerrah!

    This is the Puke’s version of the Khalil Mack Trade. Remember how elated Bears’ fans felt after that went down? I think Waffle rosterbated for a month straight, ’85 dreams stirred, lots of kids and dogs likely still running around Chicago named Mack.

    Well, Green Bay just got their Mack Attack in Micah Parsons paying him a whopping $47m/yr; $188m/4yr total.

    To make the deal worse, the Pack only had to give up two 1st rounders [likely mids or later] and a soon to be 30 yr old DT Kenny Clark.

    Micah Parsons is 26.
    He’s notched 13, 13.5, 14 and 12 sacks [52.5 total] in his career.

    It would take Booker and Dom-Rom about 50 years each to match Parsons at their rate.

    Bears will have to block Parsons with Braxton/Kiran/Ozzy/Benedet for the next 4-10 years barring some bizarre twist of fate.

    No denying it: Packers just got a whole lot better, trade-raping the Cowboys.

    Maybe this is karmic justice for the Cowboys trade-raping the Vikings in what is still infamously known as “The Herschel Walker Trade” [If so, Cowboys still have more to pay, though perhaps the universe bakes playoff choking into the equation].

    How did this unfold?

    Well, as with most things Cowboys, the twists-n-turns, subplots, and drama rival any soap opera, but this concisely sums it up.

    TLDW. Jerry would often prey on player’s massive egos dealing ‘man to man’ without agents, usually getting what he wants.

    The more interesting part is when Jerry essentially says, ‘Michael Irvin dealt with me directly, and maybe he didn’t net as much as possible, but getting me as a business asset, advisor and friend was better long run’

    It’s kind of a way around the cap like when corporations paid to stay in Trump hotels then never even checked in – or grossly overpaying for Hunter Biden paintings.

    The problem this time?

    Well, Jerry isn’t going to be around for another 30 years, so players like Dak, Lamb and especially Parsons weren’t going to be duped into that trap. They insisted on their agents dealing firmly believing in Robert Frost’s advice:

    Good fences make good neighbors

    While Jerry tragically forgot about two major rules:

    Never make business personal – Michael Corleone

    Pride cometh before the fall – Proverbs 16:18

    Even the goddamn Browns remembered those lessons and managed to keep Garrett.

    THE BROWNS.

    And indeed, the Boys have fallen.
    One may argue that they do a great job of drafting and developing, but even so, does Jerry even have THREE years left? He could up and die come January when his team chokes again in the playoffs.

    To add salt to the wound, Jerry traded Parsons in conference to the team that eliminated them from the playoffs in ’14, ’16 and ’23. I mean, WTF Jerrah!

    Who does he think is going to be competing for that last playoff spot? Or to host a home game during playoffs, or even if things go right for both, to finish #1 in NFC with the bye and homefield advantage at stake?

    Hell, the Cowboys are facing the Packers in exactly a month – you don’t think Parsons is circling that date like Rocky circled Drago?

    For fuck’s sake Jerry, at least trade a top 3 pass rusher in his prime to the AFC.

    The only hope for us Bears’ fans [without getting too sinister – remember – karma, Kramer…] is that this actually DOES turn out like the Mack trade in which, Mack joins a team that had an overrated QB/HC, then sorta throttles down ending in mediocrity and no Super Bowls.

    It could happen. Everyone is expecting Jordan Love to rebound, but why?

    In ’22 Love played 4 games, finishing with 1 INT and an 83 QBR.

    In ’23 and ’24, Love finished with 11/11 INTs and 62/69 QBR while also missing two games.

    That seems to be who he is.

    In ’18, when Mack was traded to Bears, Trubisky finished with 12 INTs and a 77 QBR.

    Oh, and Matt Nagy won Coach of the Year.

    Huh. Now that I think of it, maybe we should be happy the Parsons’ Pendejada so eerily resembles the Mack trade.

    It will only make the disappointment that much deeper and bitter.

  • Twitter Thurs

    Twitter Thurs

    Some interesting twits of the week:

  • PS Game #1 Plays

    PS Game #1 Plays

    In case some of you guys missed the game, this dude Mattydubs puts in the grind for us and shows us some highlights from our rooks.

    And if you missed the Austin Booker bonanza.

    Twit of Tues

  • What I’m Looking for in Bears’ PS Game #1

    What I’m Looking for in Bears’ PS Game #1

    Little to TBH.

    I don’t even expect the starters to play much, if at all. Matt Eberflus didn’t set much of a high standard, so Ben Johnson only has to avoid looking totally lost.

    Speaking of which, history has empirically proven that winning/losing in PS is mostly irrelevant.

    So, in no particular order:

    1. Look sharp.
    No sloppy PS penalties – illegal motions, delay of games, offsides, subs running in/out late, lining up wrong, terrible TOs…
    Get the basics right. Football 101.

    2. On D, some sort of pressure from the Dline. I don’t care who, but SOMEBODY must crush. Word is Sweat has been making Oline sweat, so it would be sweet if he returned to form. However, I’m very curious about the new crew:

    Dayo, Jarrett, even UDFA Carlton Xavier
    [Too bad about Shemar Turner].

    Naturally, zero in on Booker as well.

    3. Oline? Well, Moses Christ – it’s basically all rebuilt, so all of them?
    Well yes, but in particular I wanna see if Trapilo isn’t weak or cement-footed. I need to see he belongs [no Kiran 2.0].
    Same for Kiran – at this point he’s gotta prove he’s not a lost cause.
    Also of interest will be how Newman handles himself and if he plays Center.
    I loved the edge Bill Murray brought. See if he’s still got that fire.

    4. HB, well, we all want to see if Monangai is too small/slow/brick-handed, or if he can be our Pacheco.
    Everyone forgets about Ian Wheeler, but he’s going to be battling for a roster spot.

    They both need to be able to pick up a blitz.

    5. WR – All eyes on Burden. If he’s healthy and up to date. Can he separate at the NFL level? Will his YAC translate? Never know. Every year we seemingly get a new “Deebo” yet it never materializes [hello Treylon Burks].

    Been hearing mucho about Olamide Zaccheaus , so draw a Madden circle on him.

    6. TE. C’mon now. LOVELAND. The first “wow” pick of the draft. He better look at least as good as Greg Olsen. No pressure.

    7. LB/Secondary is more or less set, still Hyppolite was a big head-scratcher for many, so highlight him on program. Will his 4.4 speed translate? Can he stack and shed? Does he flash instincts?

    I was curious about Frazier who allegedly knocked the socks off Halas brass on his rookie visit; however, he’s missed a lot of camp [personal reasons], so I don’t believe we’ll see much of him.

    8. On specials. Just don’t fuck up. Can Taylor nail a coffin-corner? Cairo make anything beyond 53? [he ended on a high note, that’s for damn sure].

    WTH are our returners again?

    9. Misc. Bagent!

    10. Whatever the new rules are. From the HOF game, it seems they’re finally implementing some sort of chip system.

    Mostly though, I can safely speak for all Beardom when I say the overriding goal of all PS Games:

    STAY FREAKING HEALTHY!

  • Camp Took a Bad Turner

    Camp Took a Bad Turner

    Padded practices are here, but unfortunately whatever rosy reports we’re getting has been somewhat dimmed by the news that Shemar Turner, the Bears’ 62nd overall pick, severely injured his ankle and is out for a minimum of a month.

    That’s a bummer since many like myself had high hopes for his rookie campaign. Heck, Greg Gabriel comped him to Tommie Harris!

    Won’t be T-Harris on one ankle, and ankles are notoriously easy to re-injure especially if rushed back.

    I had a friend who seemed to sprain his ankle every other month once he suffered his first severe sprain. I’m no Dr., but from my experience they seem to work like concussions or shoulders popping out. After that first major one, it seems much easier to reaggravate going forward.

    I’m not so certain where this leaves the Bears at DT. They aren’t exactly thin, but Andrew Billings is big, 30, and coming off an injured ’24 season. If he or Grady Jarrett go down, we’ll be seeing way more of Zach Pickens or the immortal Chris Williams in the mix.

    Last week I would’ve bet Pickens wouldn’t even make the cut. Now? Not so sure.

    Maybe Christian Wilkins, freak or not, becomes more of an option.

    I mean, Charles Haley used to jerk off in the locker room and meetings while talking about teammate wives!

    What’s a little Wilkins’ forehead kissing from time to time?

    [Guess we should ask WHICH head Wilkins was trying to kiss though…nttawwt]

    In other news, here’s Greg Gabriel’s in-depth breakdown of padded practices.

    Transcribing or even summing up would take too much writing, but Gabriel basically echoed what I wrote yesterday.

    Don’t get too carried away by the micro.

    For instance, we heard over the weekend that Montez Sweat came in practically untouched.

    Oh oh, time to worry about Darnell Wright!

    Then later it was reported that was by design.

    Oh, NVM!

    A lot of times the coaches are making it harder than it might otherwise be. It’s like Maverick hitting Mach-10 then pushing it. Sometimes gotta crash and burn to find out where the limits are.

    That’s what summer practices are for.

    Other tidbits.

    1. Vets tend to pace themselves in July. Roberto Garza was an infamous ‘pacer’. He asked Lovie once, ‘You want me to last 16 games? During the season is when I’ll give it all’

    2. Gabriel seems to think that Kiran Amegadjie won’t make a good OG. ‘He’s got 36+” arms. In my experience, olinemen with arms that long tend to struggle inside. It’s that much harder to get their arms up in a split second’

    3. Thinks Austin Booker’s frame is a bit too slim, and deep dish ain’t going to change that.

    4. Georgie ain’t bringing back the Honey Bears; however, the obscure trivia I didn’t know?

    Apparently the Bills would only hire cheerleaders [the Jills] who were married!

    I guess the logic was – cut down on player hanky panky.

    That’s funny.

    If you prefer a quick concise Bears’ update, view this one instead.

    Tweet of the day:

    RIP

  • Camp, July 28th

    Camp, July 28th

    We’ll likely get more info today, but not much happened over the weekend. More of the usual ‘camp reports’ which should be taken with a gigantic grain of salt since no one really knows the coaching agenda.

    I once heard a story that Bill Parcells warned the coaching staff the day BEFORE practice that he was really going to lay into the offensive line because, well, for Bill Parcells’ reasons.

    Sure enough, practice ensued, and of course some olinemen fucked up because, ya know, it’s practice, and Parcells right on cue just goes off on the hapless mark and punishes the line.

    Parcells shoulda got an academy award for it.

    The coaches all must’ve been dying inside, but they played their part.

    Now if you were covering the Gmen in the 80s and saw this, you’d write some headline like:

    “Parcells Furious with Underperforming Offensive Line! Is it time to worry?”

    I mean, it was theatre. A lot of coaching IS micromanaged theatre.

    So keep that in mind next time Ben Johnson goes off on the offense, or throws some shade at a player on the podium. Sometimes it’s just a way to motivate or squeeze the most out of talent, nothing more.

    With that in mind, here’s some camp catch-up.

    But perhaps the biggest ‘Hot Take’ was Dan Orlovsky arguing that it’ll likely take YEARS for Caleb Williams to master Ben Johnson’s offense, so fans shouldn’t expect much out of him this season. Lotta Bear fans didn’t want to hear THAT.

    In non-Bears news, the Christian Watkins saga got freakier. Apparently he wasn’t cut just because of meds, but some odd incident with a teammate no one really wants to talk about. Same ole Raiders…

    Twit of the day

  • Camp, July 25th

    Camp, July 25th

    Tis the time of year to overreact to every dropped pass, every soft muscle injury, every INT, every obscenity a coach shouts…

    We all know the drill. I recall summer practices. They were brutal. We practiced on a field that was about as much dirt as grass. It was at least 90 degrees often, sun melting the helmets we inherited from the 70s. I can still smell the pungent stink from the sticky white padding.

    Our coaches made us do laps, hit the sleds, and if we screwed up, 100 yard crabcrawls which still makes my body quiver 30 years later.

    My position coach would line-up CBs vs WRs to box 3 times, or just hit each other as hard as possible for no discernible reason. I suspect they had bets going on.

    They barked at us to back-peddle uphill. My cleats snagged a rock, and I stumbled. Secondary coach, sporting his wrap-around Oakleys whilst chewing sunflower seeds, sneered, “Had to be a corner back…”

    One of the more memorable drills was our position coach [a former pitcher] standing about 5 yards away, making us put our hands up like a diamond, then throwing the football at our face as fast as possible.

    We had to take our off helmet for this drill, so if the football squeezed through your hands, it hit your face full force.

    Then we had hell week, aka, two-a-days.

    Good times!

    I sometimes wonder if the modern NFL player is put through all that misery. Not likely. They’re probably way more scientific, focused, and detailed than what mustachioed men in spandex shorts inflicted on us mere amateurs.

    One undeniable effect though:

    Trauma-bonding

    In Bears’ news…

    Word around the campfire is that Ben Johnson does not suffer tomfoolery. He seems to be getting frustrated at the offense not clicking how it should.

    That’s fine by me.

    In fact, I don’t really care about ‘coaching style’. The running joke is that if the former HC was fat, the next one will be skinny.

    Whether the HC is a hard-ass, player’s coach, cutting edge, or old school…

    I don’t really give a damn.

    These are pros getting PAID. Give fans results, and they’re not going to quibble if it’s Andy Reid, Bill Belichick or Ted Lasso.

    We found our new Dan Braverman!

    I’d be remiss to not relay that Raiders have shockingly cut Christian Wilkins. He’s definitely enticing, but apparently they disagreed on whether he needed surgery or not. Bears’ DT room seems full already, so I’m not expecting him at Halas anytime soon.

    Some Swift

    Misc. Cool plays!

    Hey, having Pope on Bears’ side can’t be bad, right?

    Alrighty then, enjoy your weekend, jabrones.

  • Camp Commences, etc

    Camp Commences, etc

    Things are ramping up. Camp started, and nearly all Bears have checked in. One notable absentee is Jaylon Johnson who is on the NFI [none football injury] list and will likely miss a few weeks.

    How injured JJ truly is, who knows? Maybe this buys Ryan Poles time to come up with a solution to a possibly disgruntled JJ.

    My solution?

    Pay him for turnovers. $500K per FF, INT, or even strip sack. JJ gets a bunch of those and suddenly his contract is…saucy.

    This won’t happen. Or heck, maybe Poles already bumps his contract based on TOs, but it would incentivize, that’s for sure; besides, given that JJ is not exactly Prime Time, Poles won’t have to worry much about breaking the bank.

    Bears made some corresponding moves:

    Tanoh Kpassagon is a big boy [6’7, 290]. I mean, how much Arby’s would Austin Booker have to eat to get that yoked?

    Tre Flowers is also big for a CB/S [6’3, 200]. We’re beginning to get a feel for the template both Allen and BJ prefer, and it seems to be, “The bigger, the better” [insert ‘that’s what she said’ joke here].

    Here’s a quick breakdown on the moves,

    Oh, and to top it off, the goal for Caleb is to hit 4k passing, 70% comp, scoring on drives, winning games, curing cancer, and finally releasing GTA 6…

  • Jaylon Johnson Wants a Raise?

    Jaylon Johnson Wants a Raise?

    So, all three Bear 2nd RDers are locked up. Only Burden negotiated a fully-guaranteed contract, but that seems to be what the market dictated.

    NFL is a deadline driven business. No coincidence all the dominoes started falling right before camp started. I’m sure every team acted independently in nearly a 24-hr window[wink wink].

    Maybe the agents received extra lap-dances to close the deals.

    However, just as one drama is closed, another possibly opens.

    Apparently, Jaylon Johnson is not content with his current contract and didn’t report to camp. [edit. JJ now now on NFI list. Won’t be expected for a few weeks].

    If you dig into the numbers, you can understand JJ’s gripe.

    I’m all for players getting paid, but even for me it’s hard to get behind players ‘holding out’ after they signed the dotted-line. A part of me grumbles, “You signed the fucking contract. Play it out.” though I know the opposing argument always follows, “Oh, and it’s ok when GMs dump players before their contract’s over?”

    I suppose the easiest solution might be [shorter?] fully-guaranteed contracts.

    Say 3-yr fully-guaranteed.

    Players take on the risk of injury, but the payoff is that 3 yrs later, the market will pay more.

    An extreme version of this was Derrell Revis who, if memory serves, basically signed one year deals [for like three seasons] betting on himself and made out like a bandit.

    Of course the flipside to that is a player’s achilles going out or an awful season, then next year his market value won’t be as high, which is why most prefer those longer 5 year deals.

    The GMs tend to protect themselves in the last two-ish years of such deals, so if they cut said player, cap penalty is minimal.

    That’s the GM-Agent dance as of now, but maybe that model needs to change.

    Either way, it seems most of the team is reporting for camp, so that’s great news for the Bears and if Jaylon Johnson shows up to camp, it’ll be much-a-do about nada.

    As always, stay tuned…