I’m a casual soccer fan, though an avid World Cup connoisseur, as such I have basically watched every WC since ’94 [except the Qatar one], so despite no PHD in soccer, I have a good idea of how it rolls.
This was a FANTASTIC World Cup. Plenty of memorable moments, personalities, story lines – too many to detail here. Besides, this might be the first WC to deliver on the hype – and by that I mean, FIFA like any sport tries to manufacture “superstars” – Messi, Mbappé, Haaland, Bellingham, Kane…with the exception of American Christian Pulisic, most of the stars didn’t disappoint.
Lots of fun times. Lots of goodwill to mankind. For a brief summer, we were reminded that countries across the world can actually get along. Egypt, Iran, various African nations – heck even centuries’ old rivalries like England v France were relatively gracious. We had Scotts literally drinking the Philly bars dry. Koreans crowd surfing in Mexico City. Canadians Viking rowing… then we had, Argentina.
The douchebag that ruins every party. You know the guy everyone wonders who invited over – who doesn’t bring shit, but drinks up the good beers, yaps endlessly about who he knows is somehow simultaneously a victim [despite being born with a silver spoon up his ass] yet still aggressive to the nerdy keyboardist who brushes his shoulder …In NFL terms, Argentina has the douchebaggery of Aaron Rodgers, the dirty-play of Charles Martin, the pencil-dick corruption of Favre plus the vague racism, homophobia, etc. and desperate energy of John Gruden.
Let’s say you can forget their racist history, or that they believe they’re Italian [“We came on boats!”], or that, ya know, they welcomed Nazis with open arms,
Preach self-reliance and austerity while begging the world for money like a welfare queen…
Argentina has received 23 bailout programs from the International Monetary Fund (IMF) since joining in 1956, making it the Fund’s largest debtor and the most frequent recipient of such aid in history.
Are under FBI investigation for FIFA moneylaundering [which sure as hell makes that cupcake schedule and favorable non/calls sus AF],
or are cozy with Israel, Trump and FIFA…let’s table all that, and just examine them ‘football’ wise cuz this isn’t just Ole Butch on a soap box.
“Argentina were a complete and utter disgrace. Both with their performance and their antics. We expected the antics. We expected the thuggery, but we were also expecting more on the ball. They were in utter shambles. Disgusting, disgraceful.” – Craig Burley, Prima Nocta Descendent
“It is part of their culture”
“But it doesn’t make it right”
“They will blame somebody because that’s who they are.”
[It should also be noted that ESPN UK was WAAAY more objective than the handjobs Fox was giving to Argentina and other Fox darlings].
Many thought Argentina were terrible winners, but somehow, not surprisingly, they are WORSE losers – because, ya know, they are the Steven Seagal of Soccer
So, Spain winning wasn’t just ‘another win’ – it was literally the entire world outside Argentina – JUBLIANT that the Argentina lost; you know it’s bad when Mexico, genocided by Spain, is CHEERING for the colonizers! It was like if Mike Tyson knocked Jake Paul da fuq out, then boned his GF on TIk Tok. It was the collective unconscious prevailing. It was Luke blowing up the Death Star. It was Patrick Bateman axing Paul Allen. It was Aldo Raine carving a swastika on the tender forehead of Hans Landa.
It was the restoration of order, belief in a just god and karmic universe.
And for that, Spain, Gracias. Bravo. Ole!
O.T.
Now, I know what my readers are thinking, “Soccer! Soccer?!”
I feel ya.
I told the gal I was watching with who grumbled, “Still 0-0? booorring”
“This might be my last World Cup, so if I’m still around in 4 years, you may not have to endure this.”
This is why. I HATE FLOPPING.
TBH, I think most Americans naturally find it objectionable. Just something in us. Maybe it’s that frontier ruggedness. That puritan honesty. That western toughness, or pull yourself up by boostrap can-do attitude. I don’t know. I’m no a sociologist. Alls I know is that flopping is anti-American, and perhaps that in all simplicity is why it won’t really catch on.
Basketball perhaps is the American sport most known for flopping, but fuck, soccer makes Vlade Divac [a European, btw] look like Clint Eastwood. I played through a fractured wrist in basketball for a whole year. I couldn’t even bench properly, which didn’t thrill my football coach, but I trucked through it, even in the game it happened [I got low-bridged]. But I’m not special. I’ve seen others tough out way worse shit, not complain, and keep on practicing or playing, and we weren’t getting paid millions. Nobody had to tell us, “man up” or “don’t be a pussy”. It was just engrained like yawning, pissing or removing hat for anthem.
During the WC Championship, highest stage, world wide audience of billions, a game-winning thrilling goal got called back because a Spanish player accidently stepped on an Argentine player’s foot, and that ‘macho’ Argentine acted like someone sniped his toe with a Barrett M82A1.
I mean, give me a fucking break. We’re Bear fans. I still remember when TE Zach Miller‘s knee bent the wrong way, nearly exploded, close to amputated, and he still wasn’t rolling around the ground like an emo screen-ager. Moses Buddha Christ. Try having your foot cleated by a 300+ pound Samoan whose arms are bigger than your thighs, then come back at me.
I also kept a close eye on their VAR [replay] system to see if it’s any better than the NFL’s.
In short – no.
It has some advantages. They have a team to quickly review a play with continuous dialogue with the ref. That seems, in theory, ideal. That is unless of course you get this team.
FIFA’s replay system seemed just as fallible as the NFL’s, however, I’ll give them this much, at least when they fucked up, they did it quickly – they didn’t take it to microfractions like the Zapruder film. Maybe the NFL can adopt some of the streamlining.
The other FIFA aspect I focused on was their chip tech. We’ve all been calling for years now, to CHIP THE FREAKING PIGSKIN.
Well, in soccer they do, but that still didn’t end all controversy. For instance, in the Croatian game, despite the MILLIONS watching, the hundreds of cameras, VAR team, slow mo, or James Webb Telescope zooming in to magnify the Big Bang, FIFA still couldn’t really state definitively if the ball was touched or not.
You see the lil graph at the bottom? So, that jump is where the tech, not eyes, states the ball WAS touched. So case closed, right? Well, surprise surprise, apparently Soccer has its own conspiracy theorists who argue the evidence was faked, or that the ball whiffed by his hair, so it inputted like a hit, but wasn’t.
Back, and to the left, back and to the left…
And if you believe this won’t happen in the NFL, you’re higher than Cbear on 4/20 during a Chic and Chong marathon.
Still, I assert FIFA has the right idea in implementing the latest tech, and yes, maybe it’s going to experience growing pains, but it’s the inevitable path the NFL SHOULD adopt – like ya know – GRASS on all fields year round.
TLDR.
Still slow
Bear Down.
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