This is the Puke’s version of the Khalil Mack Trade. Remember how elated Bears’ fans felt after that went down? I think Waffle rosterbated for a month straight, ’85 dreams stirred, lots of kids and dogs likely still running around Chicago named Mack.
Well, Green Bay just got their Mack Attack in Micah Parsons paying him a whopping $47m/yr; $188m/4yr total.
To make the deal worse, the Pack only had to give up two 1st rounders [likely mids or later] and a soon to be 30 yr old DT Kenny Clark.
Micah Parsons is 26.
He’s notched 13, 13.5, 14 and 12 sacks [52.5 total] in his career.
It would take Booker and Dom-Rom about 50 years each to match Parsons at their rate.
Bears will have to block Parsons with Braxton/Kiran/Ozzy/Benedet for the next 4-10 years barring some bizarre twist of fate.
No denying it: Packers just got a whole lot better, trade-raping the Cowboys.
Maybe this is karmic justice for the Cowboys trade-raping the Vikings in what is still infamously known as “The Herschel Walker Trade” [If so, Cowboys still have more to pay, though perhaps the universe bakes playoff choking into the equation].
How did this unfold?
Well, as with most things Cowboys, the twists-n-turns, subplots, and drama rival any soap opera, but this concisely sums it up.
TLDW. Jerry would often prey on player’s massive egos dealing ‘man to man’ without agents, usually getting what he wants.
The more interesting part is when Jerry essentially says, ‘Michael Irvin dealt with me directly, and maybe he didn’t net as much as possible, but getting me as a business asset, advisor and friend was better long run’
It’s kind of a way around the cap like when corporations paid to stay in Trump hotels then never even checked in – or grossly overpaying for Hunter Biden paintings.
The problem this time?
Well, Jerry isn’t going to be around for another 30 years, so players like Dak, Lamb and especially Parsons weren’t going to be duped into that trap. They insisted on their agents dealing firmly believing in Robert Frost’s advice:
Good fences make good neighbors
While Jerry tragically forgot about two major rules:
Never make business personal – Michael Corleone
Pride cometh before the fall – Proverbs 16:18
Even the goddamn Browns remembered those lessons and managed to keep Garrett.
THE BROWNS.
And indeed, the Boys have fallen.
One may argue that they do a great job of drafting and developing, but even so, does Jerry even have THREE years left? He could up and die come January when his team chokes again in the playoffs.
To add salt to the wound, Jerry traded Parsons in conference to the team that eliminated them from the playoffs in ’14, ’16 and ’23. I mean, WTF Jerrah!
Who does he think is going to be competing for that last playoff spot? Or to host a home game during playoffs, or even if things go right for both, to finish #1 in NFC with the bye and homefield advantage at stake?
Hell, the Cowboys are facing the Packers in exactly a month – you don’t think Parsons is circling that date like Rocky circled Drago?
For fuck’s sake Jerry, at least trade a top 3 pass rusher in his prime to the AFC.
The only hope for us Bears’ fans [without getting too sinister – remember – karma, Kramer…] is that this actually DOES turn out like the Mack trade in which, Mack joins a team that had an overrated QB/HC, then sorta throttles down ending in mediocrity and no Super Bowls.
It could happen. Everyone is expecting Jordan Love to rebound, but why?
In ’22 Love played 4 games, finishing with 1 INT and an 83 QBR.
In ’23 and ’24, Love finished with 11/11 INTs and 62/69 QBR while also missing two games.
That seems to be who he is.
In ’18, when Mack was traded to Bears, Trubisky finished with 12 INTs and a 77 QBR.
Oh, and Matt Nagy won Coach of the Year.
Huh. Now that I think of it, maybe we should be happy the Parsons’ Pendejada so eerily resembles the Mack trade.
It will only make the disappointment that much deeper and bitter.